There are no words for this
by Edward slept with Poison Akii
Summary: A character-developing expieriment; What was going through Edward's head when Bella found out she was pregnant.


There are no words for this

"Impossible," she breathed heavily.

Yes, it _was _impossible. Impossibly true. There was no way in heaven and hell combined that I could've fathered a child. And yet, here I sat, frozen in my position as a million thoughts flew through my mind.

My eyes froze shut. I wasn't able to process this whole thing. I was a vampire. That was set in stone, sure as night and day. And then there was Bella: warm, soft, human. We weren't the same. We were two completely separately species, the predator and the prey. Not meant to be together other than for the brief moments before I took her life.

And we'd managed to create another life.

"Impossible," she repeated.

But the pieces still didn't fit. She was a human, I wasn't. My body should have been frozen in the state it was in now. Technically speaking, everything inside of me should've stayed frozen inside of me, unable to enter her body at all.

Still, we were able to sit here, both mentally debating the facts of how the hell this was possible.

I forced my eyes open, but I didn't see anything. My open eyes showed nothing but the mass of confused and tragically unreasonable thoughts that bled through my mind. I didn't think any of my subconscious behaviors had returned, so I doubted highly I was breathing.

My body felt cold to me for the first time in a century. My body didn't seem to respond to any of the responses my mind had planned. My body remained frozen and traumatized.

I wasn't at all thinking straight; my thoughts were coming at me so fast it seemed that I'd only begin to examine something before something else became more important to me. There was so much I needed to think.

Pregnant. Even ignoring the evidence it was impossible, there was no way she should be showing signs of pregnancy yet. It hadn't been long enough. Her body might not have even noticed it yet. She should look identical to the way she always did.

Abortion. Why was I even doting on the possibility? It was a microscopic chance it would come to that, but even if it did, we were too committed to kill a human, even a mere fetus. We were going to have a child.

Of course, sex. What kind of a man was I not to think about the sex? Wasn't that how it was supposed to be? I didn't get that perverted trait from Emmett, thank God for that. Still, it felt invasive to think about it so casually. It was… Well… It was better than I could've ever expected.

But pregnant. For the love of all that's holy, _pregnant._ It seems so out of touch, so not a part of my reality. Our reality. There was no way I was ready for children. One thing about being seventeen forever; you could grow up at your own pace. Regardless of my real age, I was no where near ready for this to happen.

Bella, well, I didn't even know where to start with her.

RING!!!!!!!!! My phone demanded from my pocket. The noise seemed to barely be in the background, like a sound on the TV in Emmett and Roses room while they were sleeping together, pretending I didn't hear them. Yeah, like I was so thick.

The phone continued to ring.

A child. Were we really going to have a child? I mean, yes, it would've been nice to not take away so much of her humanity, but she was only eighteen… So young to make such a life-altering choice. It stung to think of putting so much her shoulders when her life was just starting. It stung more than broken bones, more than when Jasper tripped you in a matter of nano-seconds and the wood shattered all over and you knew that Esme would be _so_ pissed. It stung enough to make me want to just change Bella and stop myself from doing that to her.

But I was in about twenty feet over my head and I drastically needed a life boat, even a twig or _something _to hold onto.

The shrill ringing continued.

Bella's warmth enveloped me as she picked my phone out of my pocket to answer me. I could clearly hear Alice on the other end of the line.

"Hi, Alice."

"Bella? Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Um. Is Carlisle there?"

"He is. What's the problem?"

"I'm not… one hundred percent… sure…." Had I still been breathing, I would've sighed with relief. Bella felt the same way. She wasn't ready to be a mother anymore than I was ready to be a father.

"Is Edward all right?" Why no, Alice, he's having a spaz attack at the moment. "Why didn't he pick up the phone?"

"I'm not sure."

"Bella, what's going on? I just saw-"

"What did you see?"

Alice's wonder had worn down. She now fell into the same category as Bella and myself; the What the Hell category. "Here's Carlisle," she forced.

I knew exactly how this conversation would play out. Carlisle had been at this the longest, by over three hundred years, and I had not a doubt in my mind he could explain this logically. That, or make my life hell on earth.

My mind was leaning more toward that second option.

I tuned out the conversation I could practically write myself as I let the phrases in my mind become so abstract I could barely understand the point to them. Things like_" "Idiot," _and _"Jackass," _floated through my mind. I really was both and idiot and a jackass for having let this happen.

Suddenly, I realized something.

Why was I beating myself up? I had to fix this, while I still could. I snapped my head up quick enough to hear her say "… something _moved _inside me just now."

I held out my hand. "Um, I think Edward wants to talk to you."

"Put him on." The feel of smooth silver hit my hand as she gave me the phone, unsure of my mental health.

I could've asked any one of a million questions I had, but there was really only one that I could bring myself to say. "Is it possible?" I whispered.

"Think of it, Edward. To someone on the outside, is your relationship even possible? Is it possible for a human and a vampire to have sex? To most people, no. Your relationship is breaking down barriers. What that might cause, I have no idea."

"And Bella?"

"Well, I think she may be in harms way, but so are you. Your entire relationship was one big risk. Is there any good solution to this, Edward? Let's just look at the facts. Did you two sleep together?"

I went silent. Carlisle and I were close, but this was personal. And I wasn't sure if that was even allowed, quite honestly. I hadn't really spoken with Carlisle when I'd decided that we would have our first time on the honeymoon.

"Edward? Edward, it's alright if you did. But I need to know. Did you?"

"Yes," I breathed.

"More than once?"

"Yes," I repeated.

"Then she might just be pregnant, there's no way for me to tell from what I know now. There's no way to tell if it can happen. But I really need to see her in person. Can you arrange a flight back?"

"I will."

I hung up and started punching in new numbers.

"What did Carlisle say?"

"He thinks you're pregnant."


End file.
